thoughts that inspire and distract me

a friend of mine, from my little church that meets in a home and has no name, sent me bits and chunks of this essay by anne lamott this afternoon. i got a good taste and had to read the whole thing. i especially love the imagery about drinking water and giving and receiving it from each other.  it may be a bit liberal for some of my friends, but anne lamott is no regular jesus-lover, as you probably already know. i think it reflects much of my own ideas about love and life and suffering, but of course much more eloquently.

i've been in conversations with several friends this week, from separate parts of my life actually, about community and it's purpose and how it could/should look.  i find myself struggling (no surprise there!) with what my little community here is now and where i think it could be.  i have had a lot of wandering thoughts about some frustrations and disappointments with our lack of connection and care for each other, but i've not been too intentional about really sitting down to process my thoughts and feelings in order to do much about it.  i wrote an email to a few of my friends last week in regards to one friend who has been a bit absent from us physically for quite some time, and therefore absent from most people's thoughts.  and i find it wrong, not what i envision or feel convicted that community is meant to be. that WE are meant to be as the body of Christ.  at the same time i feel so many other competing things about how we are caught up in ourselves and our circular discussion around how to be community.  and we are unaware of the needs of the people who ARE physically present. and why? and that we don't actually pray much together even though we talk about what we need prayer for (that's one that always gets my goat historically). and that i can be as much of a failure and disappointment as anyone else. so i hesitate speaking since i fear being called a hypocrite.  perhaps i should start by shouting my own mistakes and self-absorption from the rooftop!  anyways, my friend has encouraged me to speak up more, like i did on friday i suppose he meant. to speak about my frustrations and be the change-maker i know i'm called to be. and i think he is right. (and i, in turn, called him to be more bold as he speaks up, because he's been speaking and we need to hear what he is really saying beneath all of his kind words and curious questions.) and we need to speak the positives, the beauties in the thing that is community and in the individuals that comprise it and beyond.  he reminded me of that as well.  another step on my path away from chronic negativity. unfortunately, i'm distracted and so very distract-able. i am not disciplined well, i admit.  changing that could be the beginning to fit all these things i care about in my life, instead of just waiting to walk the stage in may.  life doesn't have to be on hold until then. right? (i digress..)

read it, this lamott essay, that i somehow feel is relevant to these conversations on community, and talk to me about it, if you're up to it.