Friday, February 26, 2010

thoughts that inspire and distract me

a friend of mine, from my little church that meets in a home and has no name, sent me bits and chunks of this essay by anne lamott this afternoon. i got a good taste and had to read the whole thing. i especially love the imagery about drinking water and giving and receiving it from each other.  it may be a bit liberal for some of my friends, but anne lamott is no regular jesus-lover, as you probably already know. i think it reflects much of my own ideas about love and life and suffering, but of course much more eloquently.

i've been in conversations with several friends this week, from separate parts of my life actually, about community and it's purpose and how it could/should look.  i find myself struggling (no surprise there!) with what my little community here is now and where i think it could be.  i have had a lot of wandering thoughts about some frustrations and disappointments with our lack of connection and care for each other, but i've not been too intentional about really sitting down to process my thoughts and feelings in order to do much about it.  i wrote an email to a few of my friends last week in regards to one friend who has been a bit absent from us physically for quite some time, and therefore absent from most people's thoughts.  and i find it wrong, not what i envision or feel convicted that community is meant to be. that WE are meant to be as the body of Christ.  at the same time i feel so many other competing things about how we are caught up in ourselves and our circular discussion around how to be community.  and we are unaware of the needs of the people who ARE physically present. and why? and that we don't actually pray much together even though we talk about what we need prayer for (that's one that always gets my goat historically). and that i can be as much of a failure and disappointment as anyone else. so i hesitate speaking since i fear being called a hypocrite.  perhaps i should start by shouting my own mistakes and self-absorption from the rooftop!  anyways, my friend has encouraged me to speak up more, like i did on friday i suppose he meant. to speak about my frustrations and be the change-maker i know i'm called to be. and i think he is right. (and i, in turn, called him to be more bold as he speaks up, because he's been speaking and we need to hear what he is really saying beneath all of his kind words and curious questions.) and we need to speak the positives, the beauties in the thing that is community and in the individuals that comprise it and beyond.  he reminded me of that as well.  another step on my path away from chronic negativity. unfortunately, i'm distracted and so very distract-able. i am not disciplined well, i admit.  changing that could be the beginning to fit all these things i care about in my life, instead of just waiting to walk the stage in may.  life doesn't have to be on hold until then. right? (i digress..)

read it, this lamott essay, that i somehow feel is relevant to these conversations on community, and talk to me about it, if you're up to it.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

slowly morning melody, slowly.

my bad habit of staying up late has continued. i have been staying up because for some reason by the time i should be thinking of bed i all of a sudden have many busybody type thoughts and actions to focus on, and all weariness is suddenly gone.  it is not a habit i want to continue because on mornings that i technically can sleep in longer than i should, i then do. i need to go to bed an hour or two earlier so that i can get up that hour or two sooner, and get some stuff done--like studying, pilates, shoveling, errands.

anyways, here i am, with a couple extra hours before i have to be to work, and target and the post office are on the agenda. pilates once again isn't happening. the snow has stopped but it definitely piled up over the last couple of days (i think it's just a lull in the flow).  we aren't as "lucky" as other places to get enough snow to have a snow day.  i wanted so badly to have one yesterday, to not have to drive to st. paul slowly, so slowly, there and back. but no luck for me.  and of course i couldn't get up my small driveway and into the garage come 7:15 pm, and nearly got stuck in the alley, but barreled through to park overnight on the street. plan post-work: finish up the shoveling, including the drive.

had a good heart to heart with the roommate last night. i have seen her so little the last week and a half. it was nice to just chat in the kitchen for an hour about her thoughts of living in the neighborhood, her transitions, her many changes and her family. i think we both appreciated the break of separate solo homework hours and the  further clarity and understanding.

another photo to leave you with (i'm really liking having all my digital photos finally on my computer, next huge task will be to scan some non-digital ones in):

Friday, February 5, 2010

photo of the day:


pandora radio of the week: joanna newsom radio.   (off the hook good.)

off to a chris koza concert. it's going to be a very late night, with my friend sara from school that i hardly see anymore (no class together). and an early morn of work.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Success!

i felt inspired after trying to do some reading for school. i've hated not having a lot of photos at my fingertips, so i found one cd of many to copy onto my computer. and now i feel like i have what i need to spice this place up a bit. so welcome to the new look & feel of the blog a la lizzie. 


don't roll your eyes at the nepali influence. it's what drives me through grad school. it drives my days and my dreams. deal with it! 


ps. i realized i was using a lame template and now found one that works much better for me. the fonts are correct! and now i can really have fun here. come one, come all! (er, not all.)

feeling the pull

i've been writing this post in my head for a couple weeks. and honestly, it's gone now, all that i'd written.  i just finished supervision early and am avoiding a Diagnostic Assessment that i need to write, reading blogs i love and wishing i knew how to post beautiful photos and creative musings here. but alas. i can't seem to figure it out. i can't even seem to get my font to stay the way i change it. it's annoying. it's blah-zay.

i was itching for a change last week, so on thursday i, shhh don't tell, re-ignite my online dating life (a.k.a. forked over the money and prayed it wouldn't be a waste this time). and on friday, i went to a salon (can't tell you the last time i went to one of those) with a friend from school, also scratching at the change-itch, and dyed my hair.  it's now much darker (as dark as the lady could suggest i go with my coloring) and has red in it. and i have to tell you, i love it so much that i am considering paying regularly to keep it this way! i also decided that i DO NOT afterall want my hair its hippy length again. i had been saying i was going to grow it back, but i realized i like it the length it is now (basically just badly needing a haircut), so i'm going to hope that my hairdresser/friend kim will be able to switch our routine to cut to this length instead of the 2-3 inches shorter i've had for the last almost two years.

pretty big changes around here, eh? ha.

i'm in my last semester of grad school. so far so good. as in not too hard. i've managed to still waste lots of time and be just fine doing it. right now i only have three classes with homework. come spring break, i'll add another. but this seems to be the most manageable semester yet. there will be role-plays (which really don't scare me anymore, thanks to my months of "doing it for real" at my internship) and group projects (yuck!), but i'll make it. and come May 15th i'll walk the stage, get hooded by my parents, and get my MSW. i can almost smell freedom now!

in the meantime i've been stressing i bit about "what's next." i have some ideas in the works and am dabbling in the volunteer world to make sure i get to work in areas that i'm most passionate about. i'm contemplating what i'll do, where i'll go, if i can't get a job here. i'm thinking of applying for incredible competitive (unpaid) positions that could take me back overseas. and i'm thinking the sensible me should take whatever job i can and just hunker down for two years until i get that clinical license. hmmm.... thoughts? advice?

well, in the meantime i'm doing therapy. FIVE clients in one day yesterday. my supervisor says that's a record for any intern she's ever had... (i brag a bit because it really was quite a bit deal). and i wasn't left drained by it, rather quite energized. and that energized me more because it might suggest this is actually for me afterall. i also finally got assigned my in home family to work with.  that begins next week. i have been ready and raring to go on that one for many weeks/months now. i feel pretty good about it except for some of the paperwork will be new. i'll be working with a wee tyke and his mum. how fun.

no one reads this. minus anne and sarah. and honestly that sorta annoys me. now i've come full circle and am back to thinking about how i could make this silly me-indulgent spot a bit more enticing to the sometimes/raretimes reader....??