strength

someone told me tonight that i am a courageous person. it's nice to hear. and i think i agree. as i get closer to my 30th birthday (not this coming birthday but the next), and i continue to pursue my dreams, i feel more and more sure of who i am. however, these days i've had some questions and wonderings about that said identity. lately, i have been nostalgic and with that having to shoo off regret and "wish had been"s. but with changes, new beginnings and adjustments, comes naturally (for me, at least) thinking of what was and who i used to be at different periods of life. i found some old letters and emails the other week at my parents' place. reminders of friendships that i thought would never change and of who i was in those times... and i have embarked on reconnecting with a few of these important "golden eggs". i think i need people in my life that have known me longer and can remind me of who i am in ways that people who more recently have meet and known me can't. and with the commencement of the schoolyear i've also tried to begin to reconnect with school buds who i have not talked to much this summer. it's a place of awkwardness and discomfort in self-awareness, all this change. tonight's encouraging words were happily drunk in.

fall

i'm having a hard time enjoying the coming of fall. this is very unusual for me as autumn is generally my favorite season. i love the crisp air, the added layers of clothes, the changing leaves, the crunch beneath my feet. not to mention the yummy oh-so-fall smells and things to eat: apple cider, apple pie, carmel covered apples...

fall hasn't officially arrived yet in the sense of changing colors, even though i did see onebrilliant and shocking orange and green tree off to the right of a exit ramp just this weekend--and my heart stirred at the sight!--but with the coming of the schoolyear's commencement, it's official enough for me. and because of the papers, readings, intense hands on learnings ahead, my heart is a flurry of STRESS in response to fall's arrival. and that more negative and nighttime tossing response to my favorite season is not too welcomed by me.

so today, at target, while buying several things for my lovely home and for the brown bag lunches and hours at a desk (that i've yet to take into my possession) i saw the $1 bins. and my eyes quickly picked up on some fall-ish goodies. i couldn't resist! in order to make fall more lovely than its arrival currently feels to me, i purchased a tiny leaf-shaped hole punch and a fall colored leaves be-decked post-it notepad. last year for my fall semester of classes i had one of those handy-dandy three-ring binders with the plastic overlay and within it i collected leaves of reds and purples that fell from the trees near my thursday morning class. it was a way to celebrate fall and enliven my time with that notebook. so this year i'll use the post-its and punch the pages full of leaf-shaped holes!

(despite it all), yay for FALL! can i get an AMEN?