told THE STORY again today. it had been a while since the whole shpeel was requested. i started with, "i so don't feel up to the whole thing, but i'll give you a basic idea..." and then i told almost everything. really, i couldn't believe that one of my closest friends here had never even heard it and never actually knew the true ending... whatever. glad she knows now. nice to hear she wanted to go to a thrift store and by a stack of plates just to break, in my honor.
i'm crying a lot lately. usually that isn't too big of a deal, but it's been more than normal, and more heart-felt. and sorta not understandable. although understandable. you know? it's exhausting being me today. as my friend says, and lately i concur, "i have nothing to give." why is that? and at the same time, i'm praying more than ever (or than i have for a long while--minus the retreat from a couple weeks back), so that part of my life feels good. perhaps that's the tears. perhaps it's not a confusion but an explanation of all the emotion. i hope i'm hearing and learning what i'm supposed to. this better be worth it.
can't wait for visits with ben and then abby and noah this week (not to mention the folks in muncie). let's just hope my dad's car (he preferred me to take his over mine), that seems to have horrible traction on snow and ice, gets me to illinois and indiana and back in one piece. and preferably while going the speed limit.
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