random divulgence

i can't *cough* stop coughing long enough *cough* to use my Crest Whitening Strips.

my knees make me feel older than a month and a half to 29.

my breakouts make me feel younger than a month and a half to 29, much younger.

i fear the first "real" session of therapy in which i am the therapist. i wonder if it was more than coincidence that i stayed home sick yesterday, dodging potentially three of those very things.

i am continually on a road for self-realization/self-understanding/self-definition, in order to change either my self-perception or my behaviors, but i feel like most attempts to know myself are thwarted by my undefinable, inboxable nature. yet, i pursue nonetheless.

i don't believe a lot of important things about God, at least where they apply to me. this is my most recent realization that i'm left to struggle with and wait through. and hopefully not forget this time.

i forget things all the time. i am highly distractable and am not as good at multi-tasking as i claim.

even though i don't like starting over somewhere new, i am constantly contemplating doing so.

i eat way too many beans and eggs, and sometimes together.

i know pizza makes my stomach hurt but i eat it anyways.

i secretly love our cat, frank, but openly hate our other cat, ella.

my sides hurt from laying around for two days. my throat and chest are starting to hurt from *cough* coughing non-stop. my legs hurt when i sleep with one on top of the other, knee against knee, calf against calf, bone on bone. it's disturbing to me.

i think i have restless leg syndrome.

due to the tip of a friend, i worry if i have ovarian cancer. the silent killer.

my computer has a mind of its own and turned off and on throughout the night, getting me out of bed at 4:30 to force it to shut up.

the idea of moving back to nepal scares the shit out of me.

i hate missing days, weeks and months of my nephews' lives. when i think about it or get new photos in my inbox, it makes me almost ill.

what does it mean to "hear the lovingkindness of the Lord in the morning"??