the end in the beginning

i recently told a friend that "i tend to be melancholy," and it's quite true. it's one of those things about myself that i am learning to embrace. i also tend towards meandering. literally around the globe and internally, as i think (often over-think) and feel all over the map during any given day. sometimes i am so internal, so contemplative, that i forget how to interact with other humans. it can take hours, days even, for me to come out of a too-long-bout of reflection. my global travels are a big piece of my thoughts (above photo from most recent trip: to casablanca, morocco), giving me many realities to wrestle with and making me long for returns to beloved lands and their peoples. i suppose, if you're reading this, you already know this and much more about me. i've decided to start a new fresh blog. welcome to it! the old xanga was started long ago to keep friends and family abreast of my nepali adventures, and, while that chapter is not closed by any means, i feel so totally in another place now, that a new beginning to writing and reflecting "out loud" for you all, on my attempts to embrace the moments and cling to bits of hope that can often feel so elusive, feels appropriate.

it's a summer of relaxation and a race against boredom. as a grad student with one year of schooling remaining and a summer free from classrooms and assignments, it may be my last few months of hours upon hours of nothing to do but what i iwill and wish. however, i've never done well with too much time and too little structure. i thrive under lots to do in little time, with a handful of purposes to fulfill at once. and now it's easy to feel purpose-less, and therefore quite frustrated. but i am trying to spend the days with intention, not with mere "timepass" as they say in nepal. and i believe writing in the way i love, the more poetic mind-followed way, rather than the edited and technical form my education asks of me, could be a beautiful to truly LIVE this summer. and may you and those who stumble here find some enjoyment, and (dare i hope?) encouragement or comraderie, in the words i place.

thanks for beginning anew with me. it feels good, doesn't it?