photos of us as engaged folk

 First engagement shoot during the winter with a Russian/snowshoe theme. It was a cold and blowing day but there was some sun. My roommate, Jayme, took shots of Josh and I quickly with more to come when Spring finally showed up (below).

 Yay for spring! These were taken less than a month before our wedding. Actually 1 year to the day since our first date at Commons Roots in Minneapolis. May 8. This shoot was fun and there were lots of beautiful photos. Still trying to figure out how to work Josh's fancy computer and Lightroom so that I can put a bunch of these (and wedding!) photos online. (It hurts my wee heart that they're mostly held captive in this room...)

So yes, if you've gathered that these are old and delayed and a bit outdated, you're right. We have been married for a month and a half now already. We were married on May 28, 2011. And that is a story in and of itself. I intend to pick this blog back up. And soon perhaps I'll upload some wedding photos (if the man gets editing done) and tell you all about our wonderful wedding on the farm with thunderstorm sirens and downpours and rainbows and roasted pigs... it's a delightful story. You'll want to read about this one. I promise.

engaged already!

i know i hardly write here these days. the daily-journaling sort of me took a bit of a hiatus when grad school start, and i think that's spilled over into my blogging.

anyways, people have been quite vocal on facebook the last two days due to some news j and i let slip on there, so i wanted to post a couple photos here, in this more private space. in their vocalizations, a few people let me know that it was a quite a surprise to them, that they "missed the pre-engagement" part completely! well, i chalk that up to them not being someone whose ear i can talk off because i've been talking a lot about the mister, and to the pre-mentioned fact that my writing frequency has waned as well as my long-distance friendship pursuing ability. so perhaps, after today, i will get to telling our story. i've been describing it as a whirlwind romance because it has been quick... but lovely nonetheless.

so my mister proposed to me on saturday afternoon! it's very exciting and i have been giggling quite a bit as i replay those moments in my mind.  i had been aware of his search for a ring, so it wasn't a complete shock.  but i did not imagine he had already ordered it (off of etsy.com of course!) and that it arrived on thursday to the p.o. j didn't waste any time. he asked my parents for permission to marry me the next night, as we happened to be staying with them for a quick night, and he told my sister sarah and her husband with them that the planned to propose to me the very next day. and he did...

he tricked me that morning into a photo shoot at a friend's house after brunch. i whined and complained because i felt embarrassed and am not eager to do such things (especially when i feel all akimbo without showering, etc.). but he knew we'd be glad for a photo of us on the day of our engagement, so he stuck to his guns. here's the best shot:

and then we did some almost-last-minute christmas shopping (even slightly ruining our day by a trip to cabela's. ha!) and headed back towards minneapolis.  i asked him where to next, due to our necessary pursuit of more gifts, and he said his house for a bit. i wasn't sure why but he said he needed a break and was "stressed," the reason for which wasn't exactly apparent to me.

oddly, when we got to his apartment he was very eager to play a song for me. he had mentioned that he had written me a song a couple days before, or was working on one, and had showed some determination to sing/play it for me. so he whipped out his guitar and was ready. but i wasn't! i took my sweet ol' time reading a cookbook he had laying on his coffee table. i even told him to wait until i was done so i wouldn't be distracted by my search for a specific recipe. anyways, he was patient, and i soon became ready.

j played guitar and sang me the most beautiful and meaningful song... it was all about us, about our future, about going anywhere and everywhere together, and by the end (still without a clue) i was shedding a few tears. i loved it! so he came over the couch and was hugging me, and i was happy with just that, the gift of an amazing song from the man i love... but then i noticed he was reaching into his front shirt pocket and wait, what?, he's sort of shaky... what's he nervous about? and as i was realizing that there was something going on he was on his way to his knee (wedged between me on the couch and the coffee table). and j tells me that i gasped and said, "is this happening?! no!" and before i knew it, he was looking up at me and asking me to marry him. i was so unbelievable, such unexpected timing! and so so so great, of course! we laughed, and i did a few jumps, and just hugged his neck tight and long... and talked for a bit, prayed together, and then started the phone calls.

that evening he took me to a new nepali/tibetan/indian cuisine restaurant we had heard of from a friend in northeast minneapolis.  we told the waitress that we were celebrating our engagement, and j spoke a few (well-pronounced) nepali words which sparked a fun conversation in nepali between me and the owner. it was a perfect and quite appropriate way to celebrate.

the next morning i took j for breakfast to the place we had our first date (on may 8th, 2010) to celebrate a little more before beginning a day of church, a photo shoot job for j, more church, and wedding planning mixed in. we're thinking of getting married in just over five months so hopefully we have already made some lists and begun the hunt for a venue. we are so very happy... and this man is truly a gift from God to me.

here's a couple shots of me and the ring the day after the engagement:

oh life

if you've been around me the last few years, you've heard me often sigh deeply and say, "aiya bahhh..." i think it's become my mantra, a modified version of something nepali, to mean "oh, life..."  it's not necessarily negative or exasperated, but it's definitely an awareness that life can sometimes evoke feelings beyond words, or at least in the moment that life overcomes me.  it happens anywhere, at work, at home, out with friends... it happens when my brain leaves one moment and moves to the next. when i have lots to do, or many things to ponder, or feel like i'm juggling twenty-seven balls at once. it happens when i'm happy, too, with all that i have been given. and the sighing and "aiya bah"s are somehow helpful. a release.

today i'm avoiding the office. i have the freedom to do that. being there, getting work done, in the room i share with two co-workers can sometimes make my job, which is already highly stressful, more so.  it can sometimes help, though, too, because my co-workers give me lots of much-needed advice and lately, too, pep talks. but staying at home when i have three appointments back to back this afternoon feels like a good self-care thing. i'm thinking of what's to come in this day, longing for the week to end, honestly, and hoping all goes well. it's been a couple weeks of lots of hard work with my adolescents and their families. lots of heart-breaking stuff that has challenged me in ways i couldn't have prepared much more for. i'm a therapist but have felt a lot like a child protection worker or a case manager these days. having really hard conversations with parents, helping kids find safe shelter, and making call after call for fifty seven things that need to be figured out. the therapist in me both loves and hates that i get to be so holistically involved in my clients' lives. it's great to have such freedom to advocate for them and step in when crises happen. but it would definitely be much easier to have a clear boundary, keeping me from wearing several hats. stress has been pumping through my body, keeping me moving quickly and thinking fast (or not thinking well at all). and i think the crises of the week are mostly tied up but the solutions are temporary and the future holds more work to be done. these teens deserve it, and i'm glad that i get to walk with them through the shit of life, but some days i wouldn't mind hiding.  it's sobering that i technically could hide, while they can't. i've got lots to be grateful for.

i scrubbed our tub this morning. it's been needing it. and i did it for my roommate who takes regular baths. and to accomplish something physical, to see results. sometimes i need that.   my hands hurt, and i like it. 

now to the work i get paid to do.

reminder of a year spent: morocco in the spring 2009

development near the livesay abode in casablanca

looking to the water from the rooftop with kirk

down by the water in the evening, spying on the fisherman

midday visit

much has happened in the last year plus. and i'm thankful for where i am now, while itching to go. somewhere. soon. 

on my mind

lately i've not been able to get this over the rhine song out of my head:

I Want You To Be My Love

(Bergquist/Detweiler)

I want you to be my love
I want you to be my love
'Neath the moon and the stars above
I want you to be my love

I want you to know me now
I want you to know me now
Break a promise make a vow
I know you want me now

Like I want you

I want you to be my love
I want you to be my love
'Neath the moon and the stars above
I want you to be my love

'Cause I want you
I know all you--
All you've been through

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i know, it's a bit lovey-dovey. (the word of the day accompanies this post of the song of my month: lovey-dovey.) but what am i to do? i share it perhaps as a way of getting it out of my system. purging it. did it work?

it's really because of him, that i'm silently singing such a sappy (love)song:

ha ha. no face to show yet.  i mean, he has one, one quite pleasing to be sure, but that sort of open declaration of the man is not yet for this space.

heat and pressure.

summer life has been strange. beautiful. stressful. enjoyable. transitional. fast. slow.

i was basically dared to write on here, since it has been since may, by my sister. she almost threatened to fight me over it. and then it was a facebook race to see who would do it first. and she beat me, of course, because i was not exactly "running" so fast to win this one. and so really i don't feel super motivated to write since she's already won, but alas! it needs to happen. i've really been waiting on my lazy bum to upload photos. and i'm currently doing that, while "working" from home. and i'm looking at the photos and realizing that they are of poor quality. i need to really learn how to take better photos with my new camera. {and that's even harder to do these days because i have a resident photographer of sorts in my life who i simply let be the camera-bearer as he generally always has it and is much much more skilled than i!}

but i'll share a few...

the livesays are back in the states for a while and we welcomed them back to minneapolis in june. this was our reunion there, minus one sister. the gallaghers had already been in town for a week and this was one gathering in a long string of many, that ended a week ago.

spent several days in owatonna with the family. it was nice and i felt spoiled. and struggled against the fact that i have a full-time job and couldn't be there even more. then we finally had our family vacation near lansboro (repeat of last summer), and i was able to be there for almost all of that. lovely and so fun...

a classic shot of warm days of playing with water for these blond cousins at the cabin.  we had an all out war one day between the boys and marmie/mimi and auntie lizzie. happy memories. too brief.

and now, i'm settling back into life as an in-home therapist/skills worker and trying to live up the rest of my summer. there are concerts to attend, camping to do, volunteering to (hopefully) begin, friends to see, lots of playing to do. and i'm looking forward to more time with the livesay family.  love, love, love.

and of course miss miss miss silly moments like this with my nephews who live in colorado. hoping to see them (there) sooner than later. uh. heartache.

there's more to share. stories, photos, people in my life. but that's it for now. much avoidance of work on this friday (but in my defense, not much work to be done)... must. move. on.

ps. if you don't know josh ritter yet, please do yourself a favor and check him out. can't get enough.

of late

life sure is great these days. changes usually have me in a tizzy, but even at this intense rate of change, somehow i feel relatively stable. i mean, i know i'm a bit more anxious than usual these days, but it isn't what it could have been. i think it helps that the changes are all so good!
change #1: the end of grad school. those two years of school flew flew flew by. not that it always felt that way, but looking back i can hardly believe that i left colorado almost two years ago and already completed my msw. time sure has a way of warping. graduation was nice in all of its pomp and circumstance. mom and dad "hooded" me on stage, meaning they draped one of those silly decorative things over my neck.  i was mostly just worried that they'd knock the silly mortarboard off of my head. but, didn't happen. i was wishing all afternoon that my sisters had been there. i felt so supported by them during these two years of school. but alas...
change #2: my internship ended on the wednesday before grad and i returned to the same place the monday after as a staff member. i'm finishing up week two as a full-time salaried in-home therapist. and it's been good and sometimes stressful and a bit slow for now, which is all fine.  i'm at half-caseload right now and slowly working up to full. learning lots. but it was nice to start someplace that i know and am known and in a position that i've done a bit of already. but it's definite change nonetheless. and i'm so thankful.
change #3: a boy. and a great one at that. (you can ask me to share on an individual basis. i'm more than willing! but be warned: i may have a hard time shutting up about him.)
change #4: my roommate and her baby moved out this week (this change isn't necessarily so great, but perhaps it was time...). i think i was in denial this last month and was sad to see jodi and babe leave. now i'm in the "living alone in a house with minimal stuff" phase. and thinking about buying things. [ha! wandered around target last night and thought about getting a few simple things that i'm missing, but after carrying some stuff around and debating colors in my head, i just put them all back. why is that so hard for me?]  but then also not sure where my next living situation will be and what i'll need. so it's awkward. and it's nice, too. but i'm always a bit nervous about living alone here in the northside. this will probably only be for a month, and then, more change!

so, life is good. really good. and i'm reading books for fun. and getting cooked lots of delicious meals. and earning the "big bucks" (ha!). and taking care of the cutest house in north minneapolis. and getting the swing of things at a new desk. and taking time for me.

lovely. i think this kind of change is grand, but still i'm okay with things normalizing a bit, for now.